Finding peace after a busy life

I’ve lived to be 84, that’s a long time. Like my father before me who lived to be two weeks shy of 91 and had planned on living to a hundred. We have, as some would say I have seen a lot of stuff during our lifetime and that is a fact. I could fill pages of the stuff I’ve seen over my lifetime, but I’m not.

It took me a long time to realize just how blessed I’ve been during my lifetime. I’ve always thought of myself as kind of lucky and unlucky at the same time, unlucky that this or that had happened to me, but also lucky because it could have been much worse.

I’ve done a lot of truly dumb stuff, some on purpose, some by accident and some by being dumb. I’ve also done some truly smart amazing things all for the same reasons. It took getting older in my life to realize some of things I took for granted like just being lucky were, actual gifts given to me and I was truly blessed to have received them at all. The older I get the more I realize the gifts I’ve been given were not by accident and I realize just how valuable they are. I do not take them for granted and I am so thankful to have been blessed in so many ways. 

I spent most of my life, doing life like most of us, kids, hustle bustle, making money, spending money, worrying about this or that and for me racing and riding motorcycles for about sixty years

Better late than never as they say, maybe I’ve been given more time here to truly understand what I’ve been given, to recognize this and to consciously give back in some way. Almost twenty years ago I started doing Hospice Volunteer work because I was with my dad when he passed away, I did not know what to do or say to him, I was afraid to even touch him. I know he didn’t want to die, was afraid to die even, so I wanted to find out more about the death and dying process and I got involved in Hospice.

After I could no longer race or ride motorcycles and after I went through my withdrawals and sold everything, I was left with an empty feeling. Fortunately for me I had other out lets like writing and being a motorcycle racing fan and BS-ing. I also had the realization of all the gifts I’d been given and the feeling I needed to do something else with whatever time I had left. I thought I could do senior projects, like volunteering, etc. Then it sort of dawned on me, I’ve been doing Hospice work since 2006 I enjoy it, I’m very good at it, so at the same time as I was wondering what I should do I realized the Hospice work is and has been what I’ve been giving back all these years and is exactly what I should be doing for as long as I can.

So, I rededicated myself to this work and have started a new program within Hospice. I have for a long time wanted to reach out to Hospice dementia patients with their music. The music they grew up listening to and the music they listened to maybe all of their lives. One of the last doors that dementia can break through is music, music whether we recognize it or not has to some extent been part of all our lives. Music can open that door and let them access memories they can no longer access. Sometimes the reaction can be very dramatic; most for me have been mild but still extremely rewarding for me, the family and to the patients as well. Yes, when the music is turned off the door closes again, but I’ve had other patients tell me that since I’ve been playing the music for this patient, they are less agitated, smile more and in some cases talk more. I download their music by the original artists to my phone I then play it through a wireless headset. The headset cuts out any outside noises and allows them to just listen to the music. They don’t have to try and listen.  Hospice work requires a 100% commitment to the patient, they deserve it and it’s an honor and a privilege to be with them at this time in their life. If I can be a contribution or make a difference in their life at the end of it, it does not get any better than that for me.

In past the year or so I’ve had some spiritual revelations some were tied to my Hospice work and some were not. The Hospice ones were directly related to the music work I’ve been doing, the others were a result of my own curiosity. I did not spend my life thinking much about what comes after; I didn’t spend any time in any church that did not call to me. But I now have a budding relationship with God, the spirit, the man above, whatever you might want to call, her, him, it. As I’m now in the 4^th quarter of my life I feel more comfortable about what may come next.

I know that some of you who read this might say, easy for you, you have all these blessing and gifts that I don’t have, well I’d have to say not true. First, I believe we all have been blessed and given gifts, some of us more than others for sure. The trick for us is to find them in ourselves. In order to find them in you, you first must be willing and be honest with yourself, it’s easy to find our own faults, and just and just as easy to point out faults in others. It’s just easier to talk about negative things than positive things, kind of the way we are built.

A little more about being willing, nothing can start period if you are not willing, if you are not willing to look for the gifts and blessings you have been given absolutely nothing can or will happen. If you are truly willing you can start looking for the positives in you, no negatives, the positives are there, they will be harder to find though.

Doug 21J